Friday, February 11, 2011

So apparently...

So, apparently, when you have pneumonia, and you don't go to a doctor because you don't have health insurance and you don't want to pay $300 for him to look at you for 2 mins and write you a prescription for what you think is just a really bad cold, you can almost die... Good thing I live next door to a hospital haha. There's nothing more awesome than waking up at 3 in the morning and thinking to yourself, "wait a minute... something's wrong here, now what is it...? 3 am and I'm awake, that's what's wrong. Wait, no, that's not it. Oh, I got it, I'm suffocating to death... oh crap, I'm suffocating to death!!!"

Ever had your lungs pumped out? Well, besides costing four thousand dollars and hurting like hell, it's probably the most disgusting thing you've ever seen. Black mucus, puss, blood, and other nasty, unidentifyable things you'd really rather not know about come splurting out of a tube into a jar, and you can't breathe at ALL while it's happening, which is only slightly worse than the mostly not being able to breathe at all before they do it to you. Several goes at that, with pauses to let me breathe in between, and nearly a gallon of nastiness later, i could finally breathe again, and now I'm completely and utterly broke. My entire savings account is wiped out. There go my plans for moving anytime soon *sigh*

The moral of this story: If you've got a really bad cold and don't have health insurance, $300 to a doctor for a prescription is preferably to $4000 to a hospital to keep you from drowing in your own bodily fluids.

And apparently almost dying has caused my agent's heart to grow 3 sizes... or maybe 1/3 of a size. He's given me an extra month to finish Exile since I obvioulsy won't be doing much work on it for a while, being all close to death and everything. When you say "Hey, dude, guess what, I almost died wednesday night" to someone, people with more compassion for others than I have tend to give you just about anything you want. I got an extra month out of my agent, free dinner from the relief society (still no idea how they found out), actual sympathy from a completely unsympathetic boss, a brother actually doing the dishes without being told 73 times, my parents even went grocery shopping for me BWAAHAAHAA. I'm starting to wonder what else I can get by playing the I almost died card.

Well, anyway, I'm pretty much forbidden from doing anything more strenuous than peeing for the next week, and I'm taking so many different pills I swear I can taste the future. Mmmmmmm future, tastes kinda like snozberry. And my brother has decided that he doesn't want to get pnumonia so he's started sleeping on the couch so I don't have to listen to his snoring at night. WIN! I just hope that my meager supply of sick days doesn't run out before I'm able to walk more than 3.2 steps without breaking into a coughing fit strong enough to offset the earth's gravitational field. That and I hope whoever is delivering my not-quite mail route doesn't screw things up royally while I'm gone. Nothing more annoying than coming back from time off to find everyone and anyone on your route pissed at you because someone can't read the plainly written tags I've put into mailboxes telling others whose mail gets forwarded and whose gets delivered. They ALWAYS blame me, even though they CLEARLY saw someone else delivering the mail. Seriously, I have every single name of every single person on that entire route memorized, and the names of everyone that no longer lives on that route. If someone were to give me any address from my route on the spot I could tell you off the top of my head who lives there and who has moved out of there since the place was built. I could recite the entire route to you if I wanted to. It's not ME screwing up. I know my route. oh well.

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