Monday, May 17, 2010

Exile Chapter 15 rewrites

I've finished the second draft of Exile Chapter 15 and it can be downloaded at the bottom of this page.

This chapter needed little in the way of changes. Most of the work went into adding details, and things of that nature, however, a few things were changed to account for Mal's distrust of Silmera, and the general paragraph and sentance structure has been changed up a bit to make it more readable. I also added a bit of sorrowful reminiscence from Silmera, which is something I thought needed to be there. It's the first time she's been home in a thousand years and it's in complete ruins now. Of course she's going to give a reaction to that.

Also something any mormons might have noticed, I've drawn some correlations between the remnants of humanity in the War of Zion and the mormon pioneers. They're people chased out of thier homes across a great and harsh wilderness to an unforgiving land because it's the only place left for them to go where they can hopefully be safe for a little while and try to rebuild their lives. The queen's words are a quote of Brigham Young's "This is the place" upon entering the Salt Lake Valley for the first time.

The first draft of this story ended at 117,352 words.
The second draft is currently at 147,952 words, a difference of over 30k.

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