Adventures in Mail Delivery Part... whatever part we're up to now...

I LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!  ........I think.......

Well, after more than a year of working my butt off, the hiring freeze at work has been lifted (again) and they've been able to hire people so that I'm not working 400 hours a week.  And to all of you out there who say there aren't 400 hours in a week, you've clearly never had to work that much before.  A week is bigger on the inside!

Soooo, I'm almost done with my new and improved version of I Am Nobody, it should be finished within the week, and I'll be looking for a few test readers to take a look and be brutally honest about what they didn't like about it.  I'll have it posted on my site, but if anyone out there actually reads this blog, and would like to volunteer their services, drop me an e-mail at sevynwarr@yahoo.com and I'll send you a copy of the finished manuscript.  I'm not talking anything like spell checking or whatever.  I just want people to read it, and tell me what they thought of it.  Was it good?  Why?  Was it bad?  Why?  What did you like about it?  What did you not like about it?  What changes would you suggest I make to make it better?  That sort of thing.  It's not a very long book, in fact it's the shortest book I've ever written, at under 140k words (230ish single spaced pages in 12 point times new roman).  In my opinion, it's also the best book I've ever written, but, I always say that, and I'm rather biased anyway.  What I need is someone, preferably a few someones, who can look at it and see any problems that I can't.

And now, with that out of the way, here is a tale of woe and hilarity, a recounting of an incident that took place naught four hours thence. 

So, usually a day after a holiday weekend is pretty terribad.  Mail still comes on Sunday and Federal Holidays like Memorial Day yesterday, it's just not delivered.  Meaning that the Tuesday after the holiday has three days worth of mail to be delivered.  However, this day after the holiday weekend decided to smile upon us poor wretches at the postal service, and things were not so bad.  I flew through my route, getting done earlier than I do on most non-day-after-holiday days.  I reached my final delivery, was all ready to head back to the office, when disaster struck.  I knew it was too good to be true.

Now, for those of you who do not know, there is an often ignored federal law that states a postal carrier is not allowed to hand mail to anyone outside of a post office, residence or place of business.  If the carrier walks something up to your door, he can hand it to you, if you walk out to your mailbox and hold out you hand, however, he is breaking the law by handing the mail directly to you, rather than putting it in the mailbox.  You're putting him is a really awkward position by standing there holding out your hand and expecting him to hand your mail to you, because he doesn't want to be rude, but if his supervisor happens to see him doing it, he's toast.

When I was but a young postal worker, ten years ago when I first started, I made the mistake of breaking this law in ignorance of it.  The woman standing at the mailbox was in a very bitter divorce with the man who lived there, and I handed his paycheck right to her, which she was able to cash because they had yet to close their shared bank account.  I had to pay back then entire lost paycheck to the man out of my own pocket, and I was nearly fired for it.  I managed to keep my job because my defense was pretty good. "How can I obey a law that you never bothered to tell me exists?"  I did get a good, long, LOUD talking to over it though, and it was made very clear, in no uncertain terms, that I am not to hand any mail to any one for any reason EVER!

And that brings me back to my last delivery of the day.  My route is made up of CBUs.  That stands for Community Box Unit.  It's one of those community boxes where the entire street has their mailbox in the one unit, and all of the boxes have locks on them.  You see them a lot at apartments, and in newer residential areas.  Now, if just handing mail to someone who is standing at the mailbox in front of their house is enough to almost get me fired, what do you think would happen to me if I unlocked a locked mailbox and handed its contents to a random stranger that walked up to me off the street?  Yeah, if that ever got back to my bosses, I'd be canned so fast I'd probably get whiplash.

So, low and behold, what should appear before my eyes, by a woman demanding, "give me my mail," after I had closed the box up and was getting ready to head back to the office.

"Excuse me," I replied.

"Give me my mail, NOW," the lady said.

"Okay, which house is yours, I'll see what I can do for you, do you have your key?"

Now, at this point I would like to point out that many people believe if they simply show me their ID that I can hand their mail to them.  This is false.  I cannot hand anything to you outside of the post office, your front step, or inside a place of business, PERIOD.

"We lost our key.  Here's my ID."

"I'm sorry, I can't hand anything to you, even with ID.  It's the law."

I then explained how she could get a replacement key for her box, and how to place her mail on temporary hold at the post office so that she can pick it up there if there is anything important that she is expecting.

Now, throughout this exchange, this woman was acting very suspiciously.  We mail carriers are trained to notice such things.  She kept fidgeting, as though she knew she was doing something wrong and did not want to be caught, and she kept looking over her shoulder toward one of the houses as if she was checking to make sure no one was watching her.  Additionally, she was acting with a great deal of hostility toward me, which is another sign that she might not be 100% legit.  With all of the identity theft going on these days, and with so many people who get their paychecks mailed to them, security of the mail is a very high priority, and any carrier worth a damn is going to have red flags and alarms going off in his head over this sort of behavior.  If anyone acts in a manner that is, in any way, suspicious to the carrier, that carrier is to get away ASAP and report this person to the police.

The woman would not take no for an answer and began arguing with me over it.  I just kept telling her the same thing over and over again.

After she saw that I wasn't going to budge on the issue, she changed the subject of the argument.

"How dare you argue with me," she said.  "I'm a woman."

Inwardly I thought, "yeah, and?  What's your point?  Men and women have been arguing with each other since the beginning of time.  What makes you so special?"

Outwardly I said, "you're the one that's arguing ma'am.  You're the one that's being hostile and yelling.  I just told you no.  No means no."

"No," she replied.  "When a woman tells a man no, it means no.  When a man tells a woman no, it means nothing."

"Well, this time it means no," I said with a smile.  "Have a nice day ma'am.  Call that number to get your keys replaced."

And with that, I drove away, with her shouts of "I'll have you fired for this," echoing behind me.  And as I drove back to the office I called and reported the incident to both the police and my supervisor.

Now, I don't know about you, but I find her attitude toward men rather... unrealistic.  I know that I could never respect a woman who let me walk all over her like this woman thought she could walk all over me.  That's what a relationship is built upon.  Mutual respect.  I get the feeling, and this is pure speculation from the events as I remember them, that this woman is in the middle of a divorce, and trying to get something out of her former husband's mail.  And honestly, with the attitude that she displayed toward me, I don't blame the guy for dumping her one single bit.  I could never be with a woman that respected me so little, just as I could not stand to be with a woman who would allow anyone to treat her this way.

So, anyway, as I got back to the post office my supervisor was on the phone with this lady.  She gave me a wink, covered the receiver and told me, "yeah, you were right.  This chick is a total psycho."

I leaned in to listen and found that the lady was not, actually yelling at my supervisor, she was yelling at the police, and just happened to be still holding her phone up to her face so we could hear.  The yelling stopped abruptly in what we think was the lady getting tazed.  And it could not have happened to a more deserving individual.

Let that be a lesson.  Trying to steal mail that does not belong to you is a serious crime.  We postal workers take the security of the mail very seriously, and the police take threats toward us equally as seriously.

Commercials... and book reviews.

Okay, I have a bit of a beef with the people making commercials.  Namely the commercials that have dead celebrities CGed into them.  STOP DOING IT ALREADY!!!  Seriously!  Not only is is weird and creepy, but they always look fake and plastic, and they never move right.  And most importantly, it is EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL TO THE DEAD!!!  Is it not enough that they spent their lives entertaining you?  Do you really need to use their likenesses to sell crap that people don't need after their deaths?  I'm looking at YOU Dove Chocolate.

In other news, I have a bunch of book reviews I've done that I didn't have time to post here on my blog.  You can find the full list here.  Click the link marked "View" on the far right of each to go to the review. 

Or my big recent one is Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson.

What I'm doing now.

Been a while since I posted on here.  I've been ridiculously busy.  Things are FINALLY starting to calm down after Christmas at work, six freaking weeks after Christmas.

As for writing, I've been working on a rewrite of I Am Nobody.  I've gotten some input from several people I let read it, and have been making some drastic changes to the main character's personality, motivations, and delving deeper into what scares the everliving crap out of her.  I meant this to be a something of a scary story, and none of my test readers thought it was all that frightening.  When I first started planning this story out, I asked myself, if I were a teenaged girl, what would I be most afraid of, and this is what I came up with.  But something isn't scary unless it's built up to be that way, so I've been doing a lot of work on how the character sees these things and reacts to them, showing how terrified that she is, and hopefully that will rub off on people reading it in the new and improved version.  I've also been adding in a few things to make things I thought I had explained well enough more clear, and the ending needs a bit of work too.  I wasn't very happy with the deus ex machina, wave a magic wand and everything is AOK sort of vibe that it had, and so I'm making the climax more about the character learning to control herself, rather than fighting and beating a real monster of a killer.  It's great when a character gets a big magic whatsit to save the day, but what if the big magic whatsit has a mind of its own, and wants to take over her mind and body for its own and send her packing?  It's a bit of a sick twist on a deus ex machina solution that I think will be a lot more entertaining and tense, and fit the mood of the story a lot better.  I'm now about 2/3 of the way through these revisions, and I'll do another draft after I finish to make sure there aren't any glaring plotholes or continuity errors.  After that, it's time to try selling it.  This book is probably the best writing that I have ever don, I just hope that the story, character, and writing are good enough to impress a publisher this time around.  I haven't posted any of the revisions I've made on my website as of yet, and probably won't until this draft has been completed.

Catching Fire

Okay, so I got a free movie ticket for Catching Fire, a.k.a. that other Hunger Games book that's exactly like the first one, but everyone seems to love regardless... for some reason... but whatever.  I got this lovely free movie ticket in return for the movie review I wrote on it, which is posted below.

The Hunger Games is a book series that I do not particularly enjoy.  There are so many better stories, so many better worlds, characters, and most importantly, so many better WRITERS!!!  I felt that Catching Fire was simply a retelling of the first book, just with different characters. There was really nothing in it to distinguish it from its predecessor.  They are, basically, the exact same book.  When it comes to the movies, however, Catching Fire is a far better made movie than the first one.

After their historic double win of last year's Hunger Games, Katniss and Peeta must keep up the charade that they are madly in love with each other, lest they become symbols of a rebellion that has been brewing for seventy-five years, and be killed along with everyone they know and love to stop it.  Every twenty-five years a special games are held, and this year, the tributes will be chosen from past winners of the games, placing the not so lovestruck couple back in the games for the second time in two years, but this time, they have allies.

The problems of the first movie were far too many to go into, so I'll bring up the most terrible of them.  First and foremost, the actors playing the leads clearly hate each other.  They don't have a single shred of chemistry, and often look either angry or disgusted that they even have to share scenes with one another, much less act like they're in love.  This, unfortunately, has not changed.  These two actors clearly do not want to even be in the same room with one another, seem to be reading their lines off of cue cards half the time, mumbling, and basically showing exactly zero emotion or interest in their roles throughout the entire movie.

Other problems included the lack of any sort of musical soundtrack, or even adequate ambient sound effects to make it feel as though we were actually in a forest with the characters.  The ridiculous and highly annoying overuse of shakeycam.  Horrible CG special effects.  And an overall cheap, low budget feel.  And not the good kind.

The second movie, thankfully, actually had background music and sound effects where appropriate.  it actually looks and feels like they are in a real jungle, rather than on a set in a sound stage.  The use of shakeycam was very limited, though it did rear its ugly head.  And the CG effects, for the most part, were both sparing in their use, and passably good when they were used.  The script, by no means a masterpiece, was far less confusing, tighter, and it actually used its visual medium to show, rather than tell.  And that was the biggest problem that the first movie had.  I have often said that it should either have been called Awkward Silence: The Movie, or Tell, Don't Show: The Movie.

All in all, it is a far better made movie than The Hunger Games.  I actually found this one tolerably enjoyable, though the story does drag terribly in the second act before the games begin.  I attribute this to the fact that neither Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss) nor Josh Hutcherson (Peeta) could carry a show to save their lives.  The dynamic duo they are NOT.  They give such wooden and emotionless performances that they drag the entire film down to their boring and bland level.  The supporting cast is still excellent, with Woody Harrelson (Haymitch) still completely stealing every scene that he's in, and the new addition to the cast Sam Claflin (Finnick) is not far behind in likeability and charisma.  He, almost single-handedly, saves a third act that would, otherwise, have been more of the same bland, emotionless mumbling between Lawrence and Hutchensen.

Fans of the series will likely find this movie to be even better than the first, and even those who are not fans may find some enjoyment as well.  It was a well made movie, but falls short in the lead actors, and in the source material, which, for me, was always a little bland to begin with.  Three Stars.

I'M ALIVE!!! ...I think...

So, due to a hiring freeze at work, I've been working about 80 hours a week for the last six months or so.  I finally told my supervisor that I can't do this anymore, and that I would be doing my route and my route only from here on out, which is my right as the assigned carrier for an auxiliary route.  And so, she went to the post master saying we need more workers, he went to the district manager, he went to the regional manager, and the regional manager was all like, wtf, you've got 16 routes with only 4 subs to cover them, yeah, hire more.  And so they did... finally...

So, now, I've been working all day every day for so long that I have no idea what to do with my time anymore haha.

Anyway, here's some awesome recipes I've come up with lately.

Shredded Teriyaki Chicken (Crock pot required)

Ingredients:

2 lbs boneless chicken breast
3 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
1/4 cup honey
1/2 cup teriyaki marinade
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup chicken broth/stock/whatever
1/2 cup water
1 pack hamburger buns
A dash of your favorite hot sauce (optional)

Directions:

Put your chicken breast in the bottom of your crock pot.
Dice your garlic as fine as you are able and add in on top.
Combine all liquid ingredients in a mixing bowl, add ginger and whisk until it mixes in.
Pour that on top of the chicken and set the crock pot to low heat.
Try to ignore the awesome smell coming off of it for the next 5-6 hours.
Use a wooden spoon to mash up the chicken so that it shreds apart.
Serve on hamburger buns.

And yes, two pounds of shredded chicken awesomeness may be a tad bit much.  You'll probably have leftovers.  Sure, you could nuke it in the microwave for lunch the next day on an extra bun or two.  OR, you could make something else using that leftover chicken.

Teriyaki Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients:

2 packages of chicken flavor instant ramen noodles
half an onion
1/2 cup corn
2 carrots
2 celery stalks
1 large potato
1 cup shredded teriyaki chicken
6 cups water

Directions:

First, take your two packages of ramen and smash the everliving crap out of them.  (to avoid a mess, don't open them first) You want the noodles to be completely broken up into bits.
Put 5 cups of water on to boil and add the flavoring mixes from the ramen to it.
While waiting for the water to boil, chop up your carrots, onion, celery and potato.
Once the water boils, add all of of the vegetables to it, and boil on high until they are cooked through. Remember, the smaller the pieces you cut them up into, the faster they will cook.
Add in the chicken and your last cup of water and wait for it to boil again.
Add in your smashed up ramen noodles.
Boil until the noodles are soft.

Book Reviews yada yada... yada... *snore* ...I'm awake!!! I'm awake!!!

I've posted a couple book reviews on Goodreads if you feel the great urge to read them.  The first is on Star Wars: Heir to the Empre by Timothy Zahn which is the next installment of my retrospective series.  This book is great.  It's the first book written in the Star Wars Expanded Universe (novels that come before/after the original trilogy).  It's written by Hugo Award winning author Timothy Zahn, and if you're like me, you know that a Hugo Award is an indication of the absolute best that the science fiction and fantasy genres have to offer.  If you'd like to dive into the Star Wars Expanded Universe, but are intimidated by how many books there are, and don't really know where to begin.  This is where to begin.  It was the first, and it's one of the best. 

The other is The Long Earth by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter.  This book is a collaboration piece between a guy who writes hardcore sci-fi, and a guy who writes satirical fantasy.  What a combination, eh?  It's about the exploration of infinite alternate versions of Earth, and what impact a mass exodus of the lower class has upon the world.  Yeah, I know it sounds kind of boring, but it's really a very good book, and told in a very unique and refreshing sort of way.  It is far from either writer's normal fare, and they work very well together.  Check it out if you're looking for a very interesting a thought provoking book to read.

What have I been doing lately?

Woooooooooooooooorking, that's what I've been doing lately.  Aren't hiring freezes awesome?  The post office I work at has 17 rural routes, including my own not quite route.  Normally every route will have a substitute carrier that knows it and can carry it on Saturdays, other days off, vacation and sick leave for the regular carrier.  And normally, a lot of people quit, because it can be a pretty craptastic job if you don't know what you're doing, or don't have the seniority to get work regularly beyond that one day off you cover every week, or when, like now, a lot of people have quit and have not been replaced due to the hiring freeze.  There are now 7 substitute carriers covering 17 routes.  13 of which take the same day off every week.  To make matters worse, one of our regular carriers doubles as a fill in supervisor, and has been filling in for supervisors all over utah the entire summer so they can get their summer vacations in. Worse still, I have my own not quite route that I deliver every day, so I am effectively off the list for being able to come in and just do another route.  And even worse, another carrier has been out all summer due to shoulder surgery and will not be returning until the end of September.  So our 7 becomes 4 pretty quickly.  And there's only so much that 4 people can do.  On top of that, the regular carriers also get their vacation time and have been taking it throughout the summer.  Which means, on top of my own route, which takes about 4-5 hours per day to sort and deliver, I also have to sort and deliver another route on top of it.  Adding another 6-7 hours per day.  I've been putting in 10-12 hour days 5-6 days a week all summer long and it is not fun. 

On the bright side, I have money.  When your wages are upwards of $25 p/hr, overtime looks pretty sweet.  On the not so bright side, I'm so exhausted from work I can't even begin to think on how to spend any of it.  I get up a 4:30 in the morning to get an early start and come home most days after 6 and crash, unable to do much but take a shower and stumble to bed.  I'm so worked to death that even if I wanted to go postal, I'm too tired to bother.

And on top of all of that, I've been slowly, but surely, doing another major draft of I Am Nobody when I can stay awake long enough to put any real effort into it.  I have the first five chapters of this new draft done, and am liking the changes I've made.  I'm trying to flesh out the world and the character both to make them more interesting and likable, and give them both a bit more personality, which was the biggest criticism I have received thus far on it.

I've also found the time to write enough book reviews to narrowly hold onto my job as a book critic, but not the time to bother posting them as of yet.  I'll get to it... sometime... maybe... I guess...

And that has been my summer, and why no one has heard much from me during it.  Joy.